Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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