i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
