'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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