There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
