I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
3 2 1 whiskey
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
