So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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