thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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