I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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