threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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