we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
