Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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