Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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