that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
