i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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