im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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