You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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