i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
