remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
