The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
