My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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