I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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