he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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