The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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