So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
