Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize