Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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