Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
