I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
