i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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