dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how drunk are you?
Several
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
