dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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