I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
