Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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