just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
God I need to hump something, right now.
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