The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We got so high we made milksteak
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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