areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
