Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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