Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
