Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
