The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
