The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
