There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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