im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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