some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
