And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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