The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
