the condom got lost in my hair
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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