I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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