His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
