I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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