Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
