just tell him i said nine months
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
