Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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