i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
