You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
