Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
