i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
