You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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