If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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