shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
