I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
