when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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