do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
