Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
