she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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