He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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