Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
