i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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