theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
