physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
