What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
