Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
