I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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