I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
