I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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