Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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