I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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